At the beginning of the year, I watched two very meaningful movies. One is and the other . I will share more about in another review. (Should I be able to find the energy to do so..)
I never missed any of the Night in the Museum Movies since year 2006. It was the year I got legally married and entered a new stage of my life. I knew I wanted to marry my Laogong all along but I didn’t expect him to propose to me earlier than I expected him to. Afterall he just graduated from NTU back then and was still studying in NIE. I was his only girlfriend (for 6 years by then) but I thought maybe he should still experience work life first before he decided if he is “ready” for a lifelong commitment. I didn’t want him to propose to me because he knew I wanted him to and had waited patiently for him to ask for my hand.
Life was uncertain but exciting. Laogong and I even tried backpacking and travelled 30hours by bus from Singapore to Bangkok, after our ROM. It was really fun trying to solve the “challenges” as they came. We almost couldn’t find the air tickets back to Singapore before my vacation leave ended 😛
But somehow the excitement didn’t last very long. We slowly get sucked into the stress of ensuring financial stability. We had to save up to hold our wedding dinner in year 2008, had our first child in year 2009 and renovated our new house in year 2011.
Things got worse when I ended up in a job which I liked very much but seemed to have no light down the tunnel. Everything I thought was “real”, was actually an “illusion”. Everything I tried so hard to do to get it “right”, actually was “wrong” from the start.
I became a very unhappy person because I became frightened by the uncertainties in my life. Everything that used to seem right became all wrong. I started to doubt my judgement and I started to also doubt if I could have made better decisions as a good wife, mother and person..
But lately, I started to realize maybe I was actually on the right track all along. The track I presumed suited me, was actually not going to work out no matter how hard I tried. Maybe I was then just too engrossed in my “box” and was too eager to seek the sense of belonging, that I lost my “six sense” to detect that things were “not right” from the beginning.
I now believe that things were meant to be. I was meant to go through the stress and unhappiness, so that I can emerge to become a better person and to learn to appreciate what I already have. I am glad I was actually “saved” 😛 I am glad I didn’t stubbornly continue to “blind myself”. I am glad I have really many 贵人 aka angels around me to guide and enlighten me.
Thank you all who have sincerely encouraged and coached me. Thank you for your faith and 打抱不平… I will always remember your kindness and guidance.
I also understand myself a bit better after doing the personalities test on http://www.16personalities.com
. Everything that I do and feel suddenly make sense. I started to accept that we can’t be in control of everything. And we should not blame ourselves for everything that didn’t worked out the way we wish it does.
Recently, someone also reminded me of something, which I thought through and agreed is very true. She said that no matter how hard we try, we cannot stop someone from wanting to judge us. And we are unable to control how the person want to judge us too. So why should we be bothered or be upset about something we cannot control? I know that fearing to be judged is what always makes me “freeze”. But this year, I tell myself that I need and want to “defrost” myself and “Let it Go”.
seems to be telling people to step out of their comfort zones, to explore the unknown and to enjoy the uncertainties in life. The only constant in life is the change itself.. The unknown is what makes life interesting isn’t it? If our everyday life is merely following a regime, we will soon get bored of life. It’s the unknown and the uncertainties that makes every new day worth looking forward to.
also teaches me that when my children grow up, I should let them explore their lives and not force them to follow the “conventional” track. Maybe they will make mistakes and maybe they will fall but the learning through experiencing lives is priceless..
It’s a great movie and Ben Stiller is a very good actor/comedian! His other recent movie about Mitty Wartor, makes me want to let go of everything and just run into the “wild” to “live my life”. But I guess it’s a bit hard for the next 13-16 years. However I am also someone who believes there must be a way to try and juggle my role as me, a wife and a mother, it’s just that I haven’t found the “right” way to. I will not give up and I will continue to learn to be a better person, wife and mother. I may fall again but “Success is not measure by how many times we fall down but measure by how fast we get up After we fall down…”
Well, the reason I am still standing here instead of running away, is what makes me me ^^ Let’s all enjoy the fear.. The uncertainties and the unknown…and take control of how you want to react to challenges… ^^