Day 5 and I think I am addicted to the SAHM life I am enjoying now…
Seriously I am worried the 10 days of SAHM life will end soon. Not only my kids got attached to me, I got attached to them too! We all gonna have separation anxiety, at the end of the 10 days.
I am blessed to have a very helpful mother-in-law who helps with the housework and children, with or without my helper around. Hence though my helper is enjoying her two-yearly paid home visit now, I still feel the housework and kids manageable.
We had great fun too since my helper board her plane on 30 May 🙂 Really grateful to the many thoughtful and helpful friends, whom my children and I met and will be meeting throughout these ten days.
I remember I kept telling myself I cannot cope without my helper. I even told her I may cry for help after day 1. But a friend of mine reminded me that sometimes it’s all about conditioning myself. She assured me that it’s totally normal to want to rely on any person, who can lend me a helping hand. But when we condition ourselves that we will have no help and we MUST survive alone, anything can be done alone.
I had braved rains and shine with my kids. I had supervised two children at play. I had driven two children out alone even! It’s not easy but it’s not impossible. My mum used to tell me how she managed two children on her own because dad worked almost 24/7. She said the house would be in a mess, we would have no food to eat and she would have bored to death being stuck at home, if she did condition herself to believe she was able to do anything with two children. Eventually she could even babysit neighbours’ and relatives’ children and sewed clothes for a living. She was really a supermum. I told myself if my mum can, so can I. And I really can 🙂
Of coz, there were times I was a little frustrated. I would have been a saint if I don’t even have such emotions. But I am no saint. Haha!
But what’s importance is I need to keep reminding myself to manage my high expectations of myself. I had hope to see miracles or do wonders and my kids won’t even feel a difference without my helper. But well, I don’t cook as well as her for sure. She is a helper so she doesn’t lose her temper on them too. And she is better at house works than me for sure coz she was a housewife for 13 years before she came to Singapore to work for me. I need to accumulate enough experiences to be as good as her, I think. Anyhow, I am happy I have this chance to step up on my mummy role and so far Didi seems okay with it. Only Jamie seems a bit unhappy. Coz without Aunty, even mummy has no time for her. She has been feeling neglected even before my helper goes on her vacation. I think moving back to my mother-in-law place was a good move. At least, she has my mother-in-law to spend time with her at night when I am busy with Didi. But sometimes I feel sad and wonder whether I made the right choice to have Didi. Didi was meant to be Jamie’s playmate. End up Didi took away all the attention which was on Jamie. Yes, all the attention. It’s normal old folks like boys I guess. Maybe it could have been better if Didi is a Meimei. I tried to give Jamie what I can but I am just too tired after work 😦 Sorry Jamie.. Mummy, just need to try hard enough or to sacrifice something to give you what you need.
Today, Jamie is staying home with us. Laogong was free until evening and we had wanted to go Sentosa or East Coast Park. But the weather was not on our side and it had started to rain. Laogong said we can go IKEA instead and buy the wooden kitchen to cheer Jamie up. She told me she dreamt about my helper left night and she missed her a lot. No, I am not jealous because not for my helper, I won’t have been able to work and regain our financial stability. She had been a very trustworthy and reliable helper all these years. For those mummies who tried to poison me that helpers are no good and they take away your children’s love, I will just retort “You are just jealous of the helper, because you are not as capable as her!” So what you should do is to step up on your mummy role and stop blaming the whole world and your helper.
My lovely prince is calling for me now! I have to go…
Will share more about what we had done and what you can do with your children when you are on leave or if you are a SAHM!